Envy and jealousy are among the most-often confused emotions. We often use the word jealousy when we mean envy, but not the other way around.
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Envy Vs Jealousy
Envy – a feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.
Jealousy – anger or fear of losing something or someone to a rival.
We can envy someone else’s intelligence, good looks, social position, or relationship with a person. Envy is evoked when someone has something good that we want; jealousy when we have something good that we believe someone else wants to have.
I don’t want to talk about the difference between those two emotions, I just want to make sure we talk about the same emotion.
Negative emotions
Envy always involves a social comparison or competition between yourself and another person.
It is an intense and overwhelming emotion. We classify it as negative and ugly emotion which provokes feeling of guilt every time we experience it. You get mad at yourself for feeling it. Therefore, we do everything to hide it and get away from it.
Your emotions and feelings DO NOT make you a bad person. You experience bad emotions but you’re not them. There is a reason why you feel that way. It is an invitation to go within, dig deeper and find the source of that feeling in order to understand it.
There is the desire behind envy (jealousy).
Envy can actually inspire positive behaviours if you make good use of it. It can become your motivator to achieve what you desire.
You take your phone and start scrolling through social media. You see all those people living the life of your dreams, having everything you wish for and so happy while you’re stewing in your envy (jealousy).
I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I was ashamed of having this feeling so I tried so hard to cover it up.
how to turn envy into inspiration
First of all, it’s normal to feel envious (jealous). You see other people living your dream and you feel scared of following yours.
You start thinking “I could never achieve this and do all I want. I’m running out of time. I should’ve started earlier, now it’s too late. There isn’t room for me to grow…” You see all obstacles and reasons why you can’t do it or it won’t work for you. Self-doubt and worries prevent you from exploring different opportunities and moving towards your goals. This is totally normal. We all have them.
A limiting belief behind your behaviour is that the thing that you envy in another person has limited availability.
As long as you think that something isn’t possible for you, that feeling numbs you and you aren’t able to take actions towards your dreams. Your dream becomes true when you start taking actions. Otherwise it’s just another wish. You have to find the courage to take first steps towards your dream.
All those people you’re envious of didn’t say “You can’t achieve this or can’t have this.” They’re actually showing you quite opposite. A path to achieve them. It is possible for you too. The biggest problem is your negative self-talk. You have to become your best ally in making it happen and see the potential in life.
Turn Envy Into Inspiration.
She’s having the time of her life but I could never do something like this.
⇒ If she can do it so can I! She is proof that anyone else can achieve it.
Go to the envy
Instead of avoiding this feeling, listen to it. It has something to tell you.
Notice who you’re envious of, someone in your life or someone you don’t know but admire. That feeling is trying to get your attention. Don’t reject the envy you feel. Acknowledge it. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel without any shame or judgment.
Turn toward it because what you really want lies in it. It’s a compass telling you in which direction to go. Follow the envy, it’s leading you to your heart felt desires. So use it to your advantage, let it inspire you to take that first step forward towards what you want. When you make that first step, you transform envy into inspiration.
Go ahead, find and follow all people that are living your dream. Study them. Understand how that person got there. Or if that person is in your life, ask for her help and learn from her. This could be your first step towards what you want.
What are you envious (jealous) of?
Maybe you’re envious of their amazing body, or their loving relationship. Maybe you’re envious of their job, their authenticity, their lifestyle, their health, their happiness, their home, their experiences…No, I don’t want you to drown in your envy.
I want you to find out what is it about this person’s life that makes you so envious.
Which parts are you inspired by? Those parts are important to you, take a closer look.
Every time you feel envious, take a moment to explore that feeling. Get curious about this feeling inside you. What is it? Where is coming from? Why is it here? Envy is just blocked desire. It’s a shortcut to what your heart is longing. But fear and self-doubt are pulling you away from it. Don’t allow envy to block you but to push you towards taking actions.
What actions can you take toward what you want? By taking actions you’re using envy as inspiration. At the same time your action reconfirms that it’s something you truly want.
If you don’t feel like taking actions, it confirms that you don’t really want that thing. In that case you don’t have right to feel envy.
Instead of being in competition with people you admire, you get inspired by them and they become your best allies in achieving your goals. Then you will become inspiration for someone behind you. When your perception changes, your experience changes too. You learn to just be happy for other’s good fortune.
Happiness, Success & Love are not finite resources!
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