The only person on this planet Earth who can love you unconditionally is YOU!
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The Importance of self-love
To put yourself fist became so hard these days. You have been of a great support to your partner, friends, family, kids…You buy presents for them, organize surprises, cook for them, encourage them to chase their goals. But what about you? Do you encourage yourself to follow your path and treat yourself daily? How do you talk to yourself?
You criticize yourself every time you make a mistake. You look yourself in the mirror and find all flaws on your face and body. You argue against your own goals and dreams.
When you learn to love and accept yourself, you’ll be better at facing life challenges. You’ll be more resilient. You will start cheering yourself forward every day, step by step as you move towards your goals. You become your biggest cheerleader!
It’s important that you practice self-love daily and make it a habit because your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every relationship you have in life.
I’m sharing with you 8 ways to practice self-love and be kind to yourself.
“Self-love is not about fixing yourself but falling in love with the parts of yourself you’ve been trying to fix.”
Give yourself space, silence & stillness
We seem so scared today of being alone that we never let it happen. Whenever things get quiet we reach for different distractions to fill that gap. We listen to music or news on our way to work or home. While we wait in line we scroll through social media. While we’re on toilet we read news. We have so many great distractions – TV shows, movies, food, online shopping, scrolling through phone…We can’t hear ourselves.
We stopped even day-dreaming. We choke the space with continuous noise – music, social media and people to who we don’t even listen. Only when the noise stops, you can practice the art of solitude.
I find there’s a quality to being alone that is incredibly precious.
Self-love practice – Make a cup of coffee, tea or any other of your favourite drinks, get cosy and listen. Withdraw yourself from the world around you to create space. Listen to silence. Allow yourself to be still and quiet. In that silence you’re alone with your own thoughts. Listen to that inner narrative. To that ongoing conversation you have with yourself.
It’s time to explore your mind, reflect on how you spend your time and communicate with your inner self. When you have a problem and you need help with, in these moments you can ask for help and guidance by practicing checking in regularly.
Talk to your negative thoughts
“I’m not good enough for this job. I always screw things up. My face is terrible …”
You have repeated these automatic negative statements to yourself for years so it’s easy to go that way. The best way to overwrite negative voices in your head is to talk to them. Address them with a name and talk to them out loud. Get ready to dig to the root of negativity and understand its origins. Then override them with positive statements.
They hate being interrupted. Instead of giving those voices your attention and going with them, you decide to slap them away by having a conversation with them.
Self-love practice – as soon as you spot a negative thought, pause. Give it a unique name. I call mine Rylee. It will help you to see that thought as something outside of you. Approach it with curiosity. Ask “Where did you come from? What kind of feeling are you?” Notice what is behind it. Fear? Anger?
Now it’s time to flip it by being your best friend. What would you say to your best friend to make them feel better? Say those things to yourself.
Example:
Rylee: “I always screw things up.”
You: “Everyone screws up. That’s how you learn. You didn’t know how to do differently but now you learned your lesson. You’re in the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.”
By doing this you’re honouring your essential emotional needs. You’re telling yourself “I see you. I hear you. I love you.” You can also use gratitude as a tool in these moments to appreciate your current life position. An attitude of gratitude makes you self-aware and you can acknowledge the beauty of your life and be simply happy
If you get involved with your negative thoughts you’re feeding them and they become more powerful. They really kill your spirit. You’re so much more than those thoughts, don’t believe them because they are not who you are.
Create your happy place
Create your perfect Happy Place where you get nurtured through all 5 senses.
Self-love practice: Visualize things that you can see, touch, hear, smell and taste in your happy place. The most important aspect of this place is how you feel in it. Your happy place sparks joy, freedom and calm in you. This place is your personal retreat. It is perfect, authentic and imaginary because it is created by you.
As my dear friend Nadia said: “You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.” Don’t be lazy and distrustful. I created a FREE guided meditation to help you with it.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed with life, withdraw yourself in order to reconnect. Go to your Happy Place to slow down, unwind & restore!
In order to get what you desire, you need to linger more in your Happy Place. Your energy has to match the energy of your desire. You don’t just think about what you want you feel it! Get aligned with the vibrations of your desire.
The better you feel , the more you feel connected to your Source, real you.
Powerful affirmations
Whenever you are emotionally wrecked, put your hands on your heart and say “I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m loved.” Repeat out loud or to yourself as many times as you need to hear it.
This simple affirmation will interrupt negative thoughts and at the same time you offer yourself support “I’m here for you.”
Self-love practice – write down a positive affirmation every Monday morning and repeat it any time during the day when you experience obstacles, challenging situations, or negative self-talk.
Examples of positive affirmations:
This is teaching me something I need to know.
I am enough just as I am.
I am allowed to be a work in progress.
I will achieve great things through small steps.
I choose to focus on what I can control.
I know I can be, do or have anything I want.
The world needs my story.
I don’t need to prove myself through my actions.
This affirmation should feel positive and supportive. Say it out loud and see how your mind responds and how you feel about it. Try to find an affirmation that your mind says YES to it. You may have some resistance, doubt or disbelief when you first use it but keep repeating your positive statement.
Be your true, beautiful, unique self
“You are the only you that will ever exist.” The way you experience life, the way you see the world around you, the way you laugh, the way you love…how unique and special you are!
So stop compering yourself to other people. You have so many distinctive gifts and talents. You need to embrace them and learn to appreciate them.
Self-love practice – write down your top 5 qualities. Start each morning by repeating those qualities. Maybe you’re not happy with your weight, wrinkles on your face, the balance in your bank account… But you’re here, waking up each morning, pushing yourself to achieve your goals and doing your very best. Authentic, smart and resilient!
Eat nourishing food
Choose healthier food options not because you want to lose weight or have an attractive body or don’t like your thighs but because you deserve to feel good in your body. Decide on how you want to feel and choose the food that makes you feel that way. You’re looking for the feeling after a meal not during.
Your body carries you through life so it’s necessary you choose wisely what you put into it.
Self-love practice – make or choose daily healthier meals. If you want to eat four squares of chocolate, choose a piece of any fruit and go for 2 squares of chocolate instead. Or go for a healthier version of chocolate – dark one.
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
Say “NO”, firmly, yet with Love
We say “Yes” to so many things that we don’t want to do so that people don’t get upset with us. On top of that we feel bad putting ourselves and our needs first. Guilt is a very powerful emotion. It comes from your belief that if you do or say something, you will hurt or annoyed someone you love which makes you uncomfortable.
It was hard for me to let people down and prioritize myself and honour my needs. I still struggle with this because I used to be a people pleaser. I did everything to avoid people getting upset with me.
By saying no, you will disappoint or hurt people you love but that’s inevitable. When you put everyone else first then the person who gets disappointed and hurt is You. Remind yourself that even though your loved ones get upset and disappointed with your “No”, they still love you.
Self-love practice – Find courage to say “No” and feel bad afterwards. Your good intention behind it could be your best comfort. C’est la vie mon amie!
Forgive yourself
We learn by making a lots of mistakes. They help us learn the lessons that lie in taking each step along our path. You’re a baby in the new world. Would you criticize and get angry at a baby every time he spills milk? You wouldn’t because he’s in his natural learning process. So are you!
You can’t hate yourself for something you did and love yourself at the same time. You can’t beat yourself up for your past and be in love with your present moment.
We can’t undo the past, the only option we have is to accept our mistakes and move forward. Value your imperfections as much as your perfections.
Self-love practice – Start a sentence “I forgive myself for … ,” then list the reasons you feel shame or guilt for what you’ve done.
A constant reminder: I love and accept myself as I am and for what I am. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I can take small steps every day towards becoming better version of myself. I celebrate myself as I am right now in this moment.
These simple practices will help you start behaving like you’re someone who loves themselves unconditionally. Talk to yourself like someone you love. Practice self-love regularly to cultivate connection to the most important person in your life—YOU.
You are your biggest encourager, cheerleader and lover!
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